These Dark Days Can Be Hardest

Yesterday, I found out that one of our middle school guys had unexpectedly passed away.  He had been sick over the weekend, and it rapidly progressed until yesterday afternoon, when he went Home.  I love this kid.  I hate these times.  My heart is sick for the family, who are all friends of mine.  My heart is sick for his friends, who are mostly all students I love in our ministry.  My heart is sick for our church, because this family is core to who we are, and have been for years.  My heart is sick for me.  I simply hurt and miss him.

There doesn’t need to be a lesson in everything.  We don’t need to explain the “why’s”.  I completely believe God is good, this doesn’t shake that in the slightest.  But that also doesn’t mean I get to know “why” He decided yesterday was Isaac’s day, after 14 years.  I can ask for the rest of my life, I will not know that answer to the full extent.  I’ve grown, over the years, to accept that.

Today is a day of brokenness.  Isaac’s fine.  My tears are not for him.  They are for us.  Today is a day of sadness, of missing, of wishing.

It’s these times that I am so grateful to be allowed to be a pastor and walk with families and friends in the darkness.  To see Jesus bring comfort, hope, and very slowly pour healing into us is a beautiful thing.  It’s times like these that exhaust me being a pastor.  Being questioned where I can offer no comforting response, feeling the smallest sliver of their agony, crying till I can cry no more, and feeling the choking thickness of despair can be overwhelming.  I have to rely on Christ through it all, along with everyone else.

My posts will be quiet this week.  Life is happening here, in the midst of this incredibly difficult death.  I’ll return, next week.  Please be praying.  Please.

– Jason