No comments on John today. Just a confession of my own. I’m worried and scared. I shouldn’t be. I know that full well. We are facing some stuff that I can’t control. None of it is bad. There are just some dreams I have, some hopes and wishes, and alot has to happen in the next couple of weeks. If it goes one way, doors can open to see those hopes become reality. If it goes another way, they might close for now.
The reason I’m scared is that it’s out of my hands. They’ve been dealt some small blows recently, and they’ve been given some support. So I have no clue where things are going to go. That scares me. Even after all this time following Christ and seeing Him work miracles over and over, I still have a difficult time trusting Him with my dreams. I can trust Him most time with my day to day needs. I do a good job of trusting Him on the huge miraculous stuff like healing people and relationships. I know He is in charge of the ministry, and do a decent job of following Him there. But its my dreams that make me twitchy. I get nervous with them.
I think it’s because I tend to be unsure where some of these hopes and wishes fall. I mean, are they good things I am hoping for, or are they merely selfish things? I have a hard time discerning. And in my mind, that affects how God will carry them out. I often believe He will see them through if they are at some level “good”. But I believe He will shut them down if they aren’t. That’s where my fear comes in.
I don’t want them shut down. I want them. That’s why they are called hopes and dreams. They are things I hope for and dream about. So, I can’t turn them off so easily. And therefore, I worry. But that is wrong. I know that. God says not to worry about today or tomorrow, but to trust Him. Over the past couple of days He has repeatedly been telling me “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.” And I’m trying really hard to do that.
Yet I worry.
I know God is trustworthy. He ALWAYS has been in EVERY case. He has never, ever, ever dropped me. He has given me more of my dreams and hopes than I could ever imagine. He has been more than kind, more than gracious, more than generous in the BIG deals, and in the small events. I will not fear, because if the Lord is for me, nothing can come against me. I know it. I believe it. I just need to keep telling myself these things.
If I can’t completely kill the fear and worry, I am going to cage it up in a cage built on faith. I’m going to choose to keep shutting the door. I will rely on God, and watch Him work. I must, I have no where else to go.
Anybody else ever been in this spot?