God and I are having a lot of discussions the last couple of weeks where I sit and am pretty quiet. I’ll ask a question, and then sit. You see, He’s not behaving. At least not the way I want Him to. I have some friends who need Him big time right now, people I love and care about. Stuff is going on in their lives that I simply don’t understand. I’m praying, and praying, and praying. But the movement I so desperately want to see for them isn’t coming.
So, I keep talking to God. And sitting. Waiting.
Don’t get me wrong, He’s talking to me and loving me. He’s not absent. But the things I am asking for; good things, Biblical things, things that honor Him, just aren’t coming.
I’ve been mad. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been afraid. And I’ve been quiet.
I really don’t like it when He is like this. I want Him to do what is right, what is just, what is kind, and I want Him to do it right now.
But it isn’t coming. I have to choose now what to believe. Will I believe in a God who seems to be sitting back and letting things passively move along, or will I dump it and take matters into my own hands.
I’m so broken hearted over all of this. But I know better than to do anything but wait on Him and love as best I can. I know He will work. He always does. But this waiting, this sitting, this quiet …. it hurts so much.
David in the Psalms talks about his bones growing weak and his soul being dry as he waits on God. Jesus tells stories of perseverance and not giving up. I never thought they actually meant it. At least, not like this. I want Jesus to be Superman, flying in and saving the day, right on cue.
But He’s God. His ways aren’t my ways, His plans aren’t my plans. Again, who would have thought He meant all that stuff when He said it?
So, we wait. He will move. I choose to believe He is moving where I can’t see.
Until then, I will keep asking Him for help.