Sex Questions from the Edge

Ok, so here is the second set of questions I was given last week at our questions night.  There were lots of questions about sex.  Lots.  Some of them I can answer on here, some I need to answer in person.  Now, I know that you probably are not going to be willing to ask me some of them in person, so here is the next best thing.  You can email me a question if you want, and I will personally email you back (  Yeah, I will know it is from you.  If you are worried about that, set up an email address without your name in it, and send it through that.  Or, you can write your question on paper, put it in an envelope, give it to your small group leader, tell them to give it to me without telling me who it’s from.  I’ll write an answer and give it back to them in an envelope.  They know who its from, but not the question.  I’ll know the question, but not who it’s from. 

Okay, enough of the secret spy stuff, let’s get rolling…

1. “I haven’t had sex yet, but there are people in the high school I know who have.  Is there a way for them to start over?  Is so, what is a Bible verse to prove to them they can become pure again?” – Excellent question, and I love your care and love for your friends!  Yeah, they can totally start over.  That’s what Jesus is all about, forgiveness and fresh starts.  1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  That means no matter what we have done, if we admit to God that we done the wrong things and want His forgiveness, not only does He forgive us, but He makes us pure again.  We will still have the memories and other things to deal with, but He does make us pure in His eyes.  Then there is the story in the Bible of the lady who was caught having sex with a guy she wasn’t married to.  Jesus tells her that He doesn’t condemn her, and that she should go and not do that any more in John 8:11.  The big point there is once we accept God’s forgiveness, we have to change how we live our lives, and what we do.  Keep encouraging your friend that there is forgiveness, hope, and love if they will begin to trust God with all of these things.

2. “Why do they tell us to wait till marriage to have sex when you can still get STD’s, marriage or no marriage?” – I’m not sure who the “they” is in this question, but I can tell you why I tell you to wait.  It has little to do with STD’s.  They are serious, and bad, but there are much more common, and worse things to deal with when you have sex outside of marriage (broken hearts, destroyed relationships, guilt, and more).  If you only have sex with your husband/wife, and they only have sex with you, then you won’t get an STD.  If one of you fools around, either before or during marriage, then you are both at risk.  The STD idea is to be a virgin, and marry another person who is a virgin.  That is the STD prevention that you are talking about.  But I don’t think that is the biggest reason to hold onto your virginity.  It’s a big one, but not the biggest one.

3. “Do you know if going past 3rd base at 13 is okay, because she is hot.” – Dude, I’m sorry, but no, it’s not okay.  Sex isn’t about what the other person looks like.  I know you’ve been told 100 times a day for the last 10 years it is, but you’ve been lied to.  It’s not.  It never has been, and it never will be.  When we turn sex into simply about how hot someone is, we end up really messed up emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It breaks us.  It’s like using dynamite to unclog your toilet.  It will work for a minute, but the mess afterwards is HUGE.  Okay, maybe that’s a gross example, but you get the point.  God’s plan for sex is really great, and it’s supposed to be a powerful thing.  But when we mess around outside of His boundaries, we always pay for it.  I don’t even have to address the age part of the question, because sex is about marriage, love (like you read about in 1 Corinthians 13:4,5), and commitment, which are not what the average 13 year old is signing up for.  I’m begging you to back up, and reign things in.  You are not going to like where this path takes you.

Okay, I got a couple of other questions, but they are about HOW to have sex, which is really for your parents to explain.  If they won’t, then talk to me or your small group leader.  We will try to talk about it as painlessly as we can.  There were some other questions about sex that are specific to guys or girls, and I’m not sure I should answer them here either.  BUT, like I wrote about at the intro, I am very willing to answer them.  I just need to know who to get the answers back to.  Trust me, I will NOT embarrass you if you ask me a tough question.  I promise.  Give it a shot!

I’ll post some more questions about hurting ourselves, friendships, and more tomorrow.  Feel free to send me more questions if you have them too.