I don’t like Brittany’s song (publicly), but it fits right now. It’s one of those times where I made a mistake, thought I could fix it, and now it’s worse than ever. I set up a youth trip, didn’t think through the dates well enough, and now, I have to cancel it. No big deal, except I’ve got my whole leadership team on board with the trip, promoted it to parents, posted the dates, and set the whole thing up. Now it’s gotta change. I have to admit I’m wrong, ask for a lot of forgiveness, and move forward.
I do not like it when this kind of stuff happens because of my stupidity. I really don’t. I like it when someone else does it, and I can be gracious about it. I like it when I plan so well, that I gain tons of trust from everyone around me. But I don’t like it when I blow it.
Something I notice though. I am much more penitent and sad about disappointing the people around me, than I am when I disappoint God. If I sin and blow it, I ask for forgiveness. But I don’t stress it the way I stress situations like this. Why is that? Why is God’s opinion of me so much easier to blow off? I think I assume too much about God’s grace. I know He forgives me, He already has. I know He will never leave me. I don’t need to earn His love. But I don’t take seriously enough my need to live in such a way to make Him proud of me. I don’t own the Job factor, where He lived in such a way that Satan couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t imagine Satan needing to go to heaven and complain to God about me because of how I live. If he did, I can’t imagine God trusting me enough to let Satan loose in my life like that.
So, I want to spend more time focusing on what God sees in me, and what He knows about me, and what He feels about me. I want God to be proud of me. I want to be more concerned about what He thinks of me when I mess up, and when I obey.
Just some random stuff rattling around inside of me. What about you?