Last weekend, when I was at the NYWC, I met an elderly woman in St. Louis begging for money. Michael and I were at a stoplight, and she asked for money. I gave her the $4 I had in my pocket, but then God really began pushing me to talk to her. She had a normal story of pain and mistakes, only hers had put her on the street. She was living at a woman’s shelter in town. She had a “permit” to ask for money (?), and was trying to get by. She said she had followed a man into St. Louis, and it had ruined her. Here she was, asking strangers for help. So I listened to her story, kept asking questions, and then asked if I could pray with her. She said yeah, so Michael and I prayed with her. I just prayed that she would know how lovely, special, and beautiful she was to God, and be reminded that she is a princess in His view. It was kind of a weird prayer, but it was what was in my heart. We walked off, with small tears in the corners of her eyes.
Here I am, home, almost a week later. Funny how similar our stories are. I followed a Man into St. Louis, and His plans were different than mine. I went seeking help from strangers, just mine had degrees, and spoke in seminars. As I prayed for her, I realized I was the one who needed to remember that she is a princess in God’s kingdom. I have forgotten. The tears that have flowed in my heart and eyes since then are much more than the small ones in her eyes. I am so selfish, prideful, and unwilling to really follow Him. When I follow Him, He tends to ruin my life. At least, the parts that I think I want, that are really destructive.
What will it take to get me to serve, for real, and give? I’m not sure. But I want to get there.