Tag Archives: discipline

Discipline Stinks and Other Theology God Wants Us to Know

One of the hardest parts about being a parent is the whole “discipline” thing.  For any of us, with kids of any age, who love our kids at all, this is a daily challenge.  The questions we face as parents are endless; when to discipline?, how to discipline?, was that worth discipline?, how in the world can I get enough energy to discipline?, what happens if I don’t discipline right now?, why doesn’t my discipline work better?, etc.  It is, quite honestly, overwhelming most of the time.  I mean, let’s be honest, as parents, we are tired most of the time.  We have so much going on in life, with work, relationships, bills, and more; that we don’t want to play cop at home.  It’s way easier to just let things slide.

But then, we don’t want to be THAT parent.  You know, the one with the kid who never listens to any authority, causes scenes everywhere they go, and has zero respect for anyone else.  Somewhere, there has to be a healthy middle ground.

I’m not so much going to try to write “how” to discipline.  That is a personal decision that requires a lot of thought, research, prayer, wisdom, and insight for each kid in each situation.  Just know, when it comes to the “how”, we all blow it at different times.

I want to discuss the “why” a bit.  Often, we need to remember the “why” so we can muster up the resolve, courage, and energy to even try.  In Hebrews 12, the author is writing to Christians who are in hard times.  They are oppressed, their money is being drained out of their families, they are under incredible pressure, and are facing death.  That sounds like us as parents, right?  Anyway, the writer says this:

Hebrew 12:7-11 – “Endure hardships as discipline; God is treating you as his children.  For what children are not disciplined by their father?  If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate children at all.  Morever, we have all had parents who disciplined us and we respected them for it.  How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!  Our parents disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Now, the author is using a parent’s discipline as an example of how God cares for us.  I know the purpose of this passage is not to teach directly about parents and discipline.  It’s about following God faithfully through hard times.  BUT, there are several values implied in it that are worth looking at.

1. Parents who love their children discipline them. (7-9) – The author states that any parent will discipline their kids.  The only reason a parent wouldn’t is if they were illegitimate children (i.e. they didn’t really love them).  Often, the last thing discipline feels like is love.  But it is.  We have to hold tightly to that fact.

2. Children respect parents who discipline. (9) – As someone who counsels teenagers every single week, this one is true.  I have had so many kids tell me they wished their parents loved them enough to discipline them.  They won’t tell their parents that.  They aren’t stupid!  But it is a universal truth, no matter what you see or hear from them.  They need, and want, you to set healthy boundaries for them.  It conveys love to them.  To ignore discipline with your kids, regardless of age, tells them you don’t really care.  I know that seems backwards, but it is completely true.

3. Our discipline models a loving God for our kids (10) – The Bible compares God’s love and discipline for us to how our parents loved and disciplined us.  Those verses aren’t going away.  Your kids will read them in the Bible later in life.  If you don’t faithfully discipline them, they will not understand why God does.  You see, God does discipline us.  Period.  If you and I don’t discipline our kids, they will have a hard time following God when He does.  Your discipline models God’s love for them, and makes it easier for them to follow Him.

4. Discipline stinks (11) – Discipline is not pleasant.  Period.  Even the Bible agrees.  But this is where we have to do what is best, not easiest.  Get a plan before you need to discipline.  If you have a partner in parenting, make sure you are both on board as much as you can.  What is a Class A Felony in your house?  What is a Misdemeanor?  What is the punishment for each?  Then use it.  Be consistent.  Your kids MUST HAVE as much consistency as you can muster.  Kids raised in inconsistent homes struggle over the course of their lives.  It’s heartbreaking.

5. Discipline pays off (11) – Discipline from parents and from God makes us more like Him.  It creates righteousness and peace as it trains us.  If you and I don’t discipline our kids, someone else will have to if they are to survive in this world.  Your kids will respect that person more than they respect you.  Moms, dads, grandparents; this is our job.  It’s our task.  It’s our honor.  It’s our opportunity.

SO MANY of the students I counsel as they go through high school could have avoided 80% of the heartaches they are dealing with if they had consistent, loving, Godly discipline at home.  Parents, it’s worth it.  Don’t give up.  It’s never too late or too early.  Stand strong, and prove to your kids that you love them.

I would love to discuss this issue with any of you who want to go further.  I encourage all of us, read the passage in Hebrews, and spend some time praying through what God is calling us to.  He loves us, and will give us the wisdom we need.  There is a lot riding on it.

What To Do When Jesus Annoys You

Our church is taking part in a study called the Amazing Race, and as a church we are reading through the New Testament together until the end of the year.  I thought I’d post my thoughts on the days readings, and I’d love to hear what you have to say.  If you don’t attend SCC, I’d still love to invite you to read with us, and weigh in with what you are learning as well. 
Today we read Luke 12:35-14:35.
The stories we read today mostly center around Jesus and the religious leaders squaring off.  At this point, the religious leaders want Jesus dead.  They just don’t see any other way to stop Him from ruining everything.  They know it, and Jesus knows it.  
What strikes me is the number of times Jesus heals someone, and does it on the Sabbath.  The Sabbath is Saturday, and it’s the Holy Day of the week for a Jewish believer.  The religious guys had developed a ton of rules on how you are supposed to rest.  They had effectively turned rest into a full time job.  One of the things they didn’t want done was for anyone to be healed on the Sabbath, because that was work.  Remember, God gave us a Sabbath day so we could rest and keep our bodies, minds, and souls healthy.  But if someone tried to heal someone’s body, mind, and soul on the Sabbath, that was wrong in their minds.
So, Jesus just goes ahead and does it.  
It doesn’t make them happy.
Obviously, we don’t have the legalistic issues that the religious leaders had on working on the Sabbath.  But we do have issues with Jesus.  Sometimes He wants me to forgive people, even when they haven’t asked for it. (Actually, that’s all the time.)  Occasionally He will ask me to be generous with stuff that I want to keep for myself. (Well, He expects that everyday, to be honest).  He can get crazy from time to time and want me to tell myself “no” about some action I want to take, and use self discipline. (That is really an expectation of His all the time.)  I mean, sometimes He annoys me.
Just like He annoyed the Pharisees.
It’s all about whose Kingdom we live in.  That is part of the reason you have the Kingdom discussion in the middle of all of these stories.  Who is in charge of my life, of the religious leaders’ lives, of your life, anyway?  That is the big question.
Today, right now, take some time to talk with God about what it is that He does, expects, or commands that bugs you.  Be honest, He already knows.  You have nothing to lose.  At least you don’t if you admit it.  Act like everything is fine, and you’ll find yourself mad at Him for healing people all around you, when you can’t seem to be healed.  It’s your, and my, choice.

Why Do Your Kids Act Like They Do? – a new post for parents and parents to be

As parents, it can be so tough to discipline our kids.  I remember when I was growing up, I was pretty convinced my parents enjoyed it.  At least, it always seemed to be easier for them than it was for me.  But that didn’t last long.  As soon as I had to be in charge of a youth group, and be the one handing out discipline, I realized what an incredibly heavy burden it can become.   Then later, as a father myself, it has only grown even tougher.

But I also know how important it is.  I work with students every week who are not given enough discipline at home.  They are allowed too much freedom, and given it too early.  Parents, I promise, I understand how hard it is, how exhausting it is, how defeating it can feel.  But it is SO incredibly important.

In 1 Kings 1, David is dying.  One of his sons, Adonijah, decides he will be the next king.  So he begins to set things up to make it happen.  There is a very interesting set of verses in the story for us to look at:

“5 Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him.

6 (His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.) ”
Do you catch what is going on there?  David never disciplines his kid.  This story is seen over and over in David’s family.  The king who is called “a man after God’s own heart” doesn’t discipline his own kids.  The one who took Goliath on head first, who built a world super power in a tiny land, who survived assassination attempts and countless wars, he chooses not to discipline his children. It’s understandable.  He is giving his heart and attention to so many other things, he ignores his own families needs.
But at what cost?  Three of his sons try to take his kingdom.  They all die.  One of his daughters is raped by one of his sons.  His family is constantly in disarray.  It’s horrible.
The same holds true today.  We can short cut discipline because it’s hard, because we want to be cool and loved, because we don’t do it well, because it makes us feel icky, or a thousand other reasons.  The truth is we are simply delaying the pain.  It will come back, and it comes with interest added on.  
I want to encourage all of us as parents; lovingly, carefully, thoughtfully discipline our children.  Jesus tells us to make disciples of all nations.  Deuteronomy six tells us it starts at home.  The word disciple and the word discipline come from the same word.  
If you want some resources to help with discipling your kids well, contact me or Evan Casey, our children’s pastor.  We’ll point you to some good tools.  If you love your kids, discipline them.  God does, so should we.