Category Archives: Family Ministry

Students/Pastors

Sticky Faith Cover

As we have read through Sticky Faith, one issue has risen to the surface for both Evan, our children’s pastor, and for me.  We recognize how crucial it is for students to be actively serving in strategic roles in our children’s ministry.  As we’ve prayed, reviewed, studied, and discussed the whole idea, we’ve hit on some core values we are working hard to make standard in our ministries.

1. Students are not babysitters – We both recognize that for students to pour deeply into the children’s ministry, they have to be given roles beyond passing out crayons.  Obviously, serving humbly in any setting is a hallmark of following Jesus.  But when there are responsibilities greater than the base level, students need to be given a chance to take those on along with adults.

2. Students need training – Evan has done an amazing job of working with our students who have come into his ministry to provide formal and on the job training.  He meets with them regularly and offers them specialized training and mentoring.  This is a big step for a children’s pastor to take, but it pays off.

3. Students can mentor children in unique ways.  – No one is cooler to an elementary student than a caring, listening middle school or high school student.  They can have an impact and model a Christ-centered lifestyle for children in unique and powerful ways.

4. Students create a system of high expectations – In our system, 11th and 12th grade students serve as leaders in middle school.  The 8th, 9th, and 10th graders can serve in our older elementary programs.  Our 6th and 7th graders serve in the younger elementary and preschool programs.  As we place students carefully, train and mentor them, and give them strategic roles, it does something very special.  Kids in our church grow up assuming it is completely normal and expected that they will mentor younger kids.  When we discuss making disciples, a system exists in which they have experienced it, and look forward to getting old enough to be a part of it themselves.  They have seen great things from other students, and have high expectations of themselves as they grow.

5. It creates Sticky Faith – When you read the book and the research, you quickly find that having students engaged with other believers of different ages, and having students regularly serving are two of the highest indicators of a student developing sticky faith.  By having our students partner with other adults in the children’s ministry, we hit both of those goals in one shot.  And, more importantly, we have seen it work in student’s lives when they move on from our church.  It actually works.

Now, clearly, there are obstacles, or else there would be no need for me to write this post because everyone would already be doing what we are doing.  Here are a few of them, and how we are working to answer them.

 

1. Not all students are ready – Nope.  They aren’t.  But this is only about helping develop students who want to grow.  We don’t just plug a student in because they say they want to.  They have to show a level of commitment and maturity for their age.  We say no to students, and do it often.

2. Not all adults are ready – Nope.  They aren’t.  Not every adult is ready to let a student take on key roles in “their” classroom, nor are they all able to effectively work with students.  That’s why they are in the children’s ministry.  Evan has to work to choose wisely the adults to partner students with, and then coach both sides to help them with the transition.

3. Students may blow it spiritually – Yep.  There’s no maybe to it.  The adults will too.  But we aren’t looking for people to act falsely perfect in our ministries.  When they blow it, we step in and help them.  You may have to help a student take a break while they re-align their lives.  But if you prayerfully choose well, and lovingly mentor these students, it’s a small minority of the time.

4. Students are flaky and won’t show up – Yep, sometimes.  That’s part of the mentoring process.  Evan and I work hard to remember that our volunteers aren’t there to make our jobs easier.  They are there so we can pastor them, mentor them, and train them for the works of service Jesus has planned for them.  This means teaching volunteers of all ages why their commitment matters.

There are other issues that we can come with, but I trust that you get the idea.  We don’t take students on because it’s the easiest way.  We do it because it matters:  it matters to the ministry, it matters to the children being loved and mentored, it matters to the adult volunteers who get to see God work through students, it matters to the families blessed, it matters to the Kingdom, and it matters to the students who develop sticky faith.  I would absolutely LOVE to hear your ideas, concepts, stories, etc. of using students as pastors.  Feel free to comment below.

How Sticky Faith is Changing Our Sunday Services

Sticky Faith Cover

Our student ministry is trying to figure out how to implement what we’ve been learning from Sticky Faith, and we’re making some subtle changes this year.  We are realizing that our main worship services on Sunday morning need some tweaking.  We have what many people would call a “contemporary” worship style, and very practical sermons based strongly on Scripture.  Because of this, our services are not “hostile” to students by any means.  The issue we are evaluating is that our services are not inclusive either.  Students rarely, if ever, help in planning or participating in the services.  Sermon series rarely take students into account, and the teaching staff isn’t actively encouraged to consider students when writing sermons.  The worship team doesn’t have a mandate to think of students when building the music and arts part of the morning either.

Now, don’t misunderstand; we are not calling for a wholesale change, or for Sundays to be focused on our students.  That would not be any more helpful than our current program.  Our students don’t need to “take over” the main services, or to become the “focus group” for the morning.  We simply want to create paths for them to take ownership alongside of our existing teams, and for our adults to see the students as partners in their ministries.  We are working to find ways to incorporate students into all of our arts teams as participants, and hope to find a few key students to assist in the planning ministry for our Sunday services.  We are beginning ongoing conversations with our senior pastor and worship pastor about how to give examples in their messages that are inclusive of students.  Our student ministry is going to begin promoting our Sunday service regularly to our groups, and encouraging them to attend and get involved.  As we communicate with parents, we are beginning to help them understand the vital importance for their students to be in the main services with them, and how to engage them afterwards.

None of this is groundbreaking, by any means.  But, as we have come to understand the incredible impact it has on student’s ability to hold on to their faith and church involvement beyond high school, it is vital.  We are only in the beginning stages, but we have great hopes to set measurable, attainable goal with our adult teams, and see what God might do over the coming year.

The Digital Kid’s Initiative – A GREAT New Parent’s Resource

Digital Kids logo

There is a TREMENDOUS new resource for parent’s available now, that every parent needs to bookmark and use regularly.  It is the Digital Kids Initiative.  Here is their explanation.  Check it out!

 

WHAT IS THE DIGITAL KIDS INITIATIVE?

The cultural context of children and teens is changing at breakneck speed, especially when it comes to technology. These changes leave kids facing a host of unprecedented problems, challenges, and choices. Because parents, youth workers, educators and other adults are by and large ignorant to these changes, their ability to influence, guide and direct teens in this new world is oftentimes forfeited.

The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU) has launched the Digital Kids Initiative in response to these needs. This site is designed to offer information and tools that will help you lead the kids you know and love into living safely, wisely and to the glory of God on the emerging digital frontier.

Learn more about the Digital Kids Initiative.

New Things I’m Learning That I Was Taught as a Kid

Reveal Header

Lately, I have been on a reading spree around the idea of discipleship. (I had already read all of the Hunger Games books, so I needed something else to read and this seemed like the logical next step.)  One of the resources I’ve come across is the Reveal study Willow Creek did back in 07.  I had heard about it, and caught an overview of it, but hadn’t read it yet.  Well, in the past couple of weeks, I’ve been reading everything I can on it.  They have three books out, written consecutively as they progress through this learning curve.  I really recommend all three of them.

It’s fascinating to me as they take part in this ongoing study what they are learning.  So much of it is the value system I grew up in at a conservative Baptist church 30 years ago.  Obviously there are significant changes as well, but much of it is, at it’s core, what we did growing up.  And, it worked.  I’m fascinated by the four stages of growth they describe, and the change agents that people use to move from one to the next.

I’ve got much thinking to do about how this affects our youth ministry, and our church as a whole.  If you haven’t read it, I’d really encourage you to take the time.  You can find out about it at 
http://www.revealnow.com/

 

FREE Sticky Faith Video Curriculum

Sticky Faith Parents

Our church is part of the Sticky Faith initiative from Fuller Youth Institute.  If you haven’t heard about it yet, I’d really encourage you to check it out.  They’ve released a curriculum for parent’s that is terrific.  Here is the first video, for you, for free.  How great is that?!

 

 

Four BIG Reasons to Keep Students Out of the Children’s Ministry

Teenager thumb up

When middle school and high school students serve in the children’s ministry, everyone wins.  At least, that’s the contention of the team at Fuller Youth Institute.  We do agree with them though.  Here are some of the challenges and answers we have found in the process:

1. “Students mainly work in the kid’s ministry to get out of big church.”  -  This may be the case.  When it is, it’s not healthy.  We simply require all of the students who serve in children’s min to attend one of our other morning services, whether it’s s.A.M. 9 (our youth service) or the adult service.  We are fortunate to have two services, so leaders can attend one and serve the other.  If you have one service, you will just need to be creative in how you do it.  The goal is to make sure that your students are involved in a service where they are not in leadership.  That may mean they alternate weeks, or some other idea.

2.  ”Students are not mature/consistent/wise enough to work with the children.” - Sometimes this is true.  We don’t just allow ANY student to work with our kids, anymore than we allow just any adult to work with them.  We have established standards for who can serve, and our students have to meet those as well as our adults.  We interview our students, and we work with them.  Our children’s pastor even meets with all of our student leaders once a month in their own training meeting in order to address issues that are unique with them.  It’s actually mentoring in disguise, but that’s besides the point.

3. “Students are great fill ins for holes in the ministry.” - No.  They are leaders who need training, adult supervision, job descriptions, and consistent roles. They deserve the respect and support that all of the adults do.  Having students in leadership is not just a bucket to catch all of the mess of children’s min.

4. “A student leaders is no different than an adult leader.” – This sounds like I’m going to contradict what I wrote previously, but actually it just goes in parallel with the previous points.  While kids need to be given the support and respect as adult leaders, they don’t have the power or freedom of adult leaders.  Sometimes a student will not be able to attend their time to serve simply because their parent has decided that day that they can’t.  They may have been grounded, punished, the parent may have just told them they can’t drive them there, etc.  This is why it’s important to get the parent’s to sign their own leadership covenant when a student signs up, so the parents know what they themselves are agreeing to.

I’m sure many of you can add to this list.  I’d love for you to add your thoughts/challenges in the comments section below.  What have you faced, and how have you overcome them?  Or, what challenges have you not figured out yet?  Let us know what you think.  Tomorrow we’ll discuss the benefits to students serving in children’s ministry.

Sticky Faith Summit – Dr. Scott Cormode – Session 5

Sticky Faith

Sticky Faith

Session #5

Dr. Scott Cormode

People don’t resist change, they resist loss

When you’re trying to start a revolution, don’t worry about designing a system to distribute food after it’s done.
The hardest people to change for Sticky Faith in the next six months is us.
If we do it the way I’ve always done it, it will probably go badly.
I’ve buried some issues because I don’t know how to fix.  Changing the focus will force them to the surface.

  • Example – To move forward means I have to delegate more.  I don’t want to.  How’s it going to get done?
  • This is where “mixed messages cause chaos” comes in.
  • I say that I want to delegate, that leaders are important, that volunteers run the ministry.  I don’t let it happen.

Chris Arduous – Scholar who wanted to find what prevented organizations from learning?

  • Defensive reasoning – We read an article and think “I know someone who needs to learn that lesson”, it means we probably need to deal with it ourselves.
  • Most leaders get great quickly, and then plateau. I have.
  • What moves leaders past this level is to recognize their weakness, and to move past it.  There are articles in the red book on this.
  • When we become more concerned with failing our calling from God than we are with failing at ……, then we can move forward. (story of Ann, the nurse who had her kid teach her how to do math conversions)
  • Max Dupree speaks about temporary incompetence.  Anytime we take on a new role or task, we will experience temporary incompetence.  The only response is to take a deep breath and say “I’ve got a lot to learn”.
  • The other option is skilled incompetence.  You become so good at being incompetent that you no longer realize how incompetent you are.
  • Skilled incompetence can happen to individuals and to communities.

By the time a family gets to fifth grade, they have already formed their relationship with the church.  Children’s Min is SO important!!

Sticky Faith Summit – Chap Clark – Sessions 3 & 4

Sticky Faith

Sticky Faith

Session #3

Dr. Chap Clark

Cultural and Developmental Context
Findings from Hurt Study
A. Absent faith?
Christian Smith (Moralistic Therapeutic Deism)

Hurt and Hurt 2.0
B. Adolescence is lengthening

  • Historically, it has been in fixed stages (Piaget, Erikson)
  • Cultural response is that kids have been “hurried” into growing up way too fast
  • One of the big issues is that adolescence is a journey to adulthood that you have to figure out on your own
  • The average age of puberty in girls is when guys and girls begin asking adolescent questions.  Kids have to figure out who they think they are AND who everyone else thinks they are.
  • Pre-1900 – Female Puberty was 14.5  – Culture said you were an adult around 16
  • In 1900, 1% of kids high school aged went to a “high school”
  • 1970 – 1980 – Female Puberty was around 13 – Culture said you were an adult around 18/20
  • As adults, we think adolescence was great, but one look through a yearbook from high school reminds us of the brokenness of reality
  • Sticky Faith completely falls apart if adults aren’t willing to do their own work
  • One of the greatest problems in the church is the unwillingness of senior leadership to face and deal with their own wounds
  • Today – Female Puberty is around 11/12 – Culture says an adult in mid-20′s
  • Social environment impacts female puberty.  One study by NPR says that girls with a close relationship with their dad hits puberty six months later than a girl not close to her dad.
  • As a kid moves from childhood to adulthood, they move from dependent on their parents to interdependent of the community.  For centuries this process only took a couple of years around age 14/15.
  • In the 1930′s – 1990′s, kids left the dependent stage around 13, and moved into interdependent around 18/20.  The problem was the move from concrete to abstract stays around 14/15.
  • For centuries, a person’s uniqueness was decided by family/community.  In the last century, uniqueness became personal.
  • Currently, kids leave the dependent stage at 12, and don’t land on interdependent until mid 20′s.  Chap calls it Egocentric Abstraction
  • If you think of the teenage mind as a car, they acquire an accelerator long before they acquire the ability to steer or break. – Alison Gopnik WSJ Jan 28 2012
  • Now, a fourth stage has come about “Emerging Adulthood” in the late 20′s/early 30′s.
Sticky Faith

Session #4

Dr. Chap Clark

 

Education

  • In the1930′s, each state chose to mandate public high school.  The purpose was to train students to become adults.  It was a partnership between teachers and parents.
  • Denise Clark Pope – Doing School (p.156) Schools may be encouraging deception and cheating by requiring everyone to conform to a data set.
  • The state of postmodern kids has shown that the skill set of kids to manage adulthood is rising but the ongoing adult support and guidance has declined.
  • In this, around the 1970′s, life became more difficult than kids had skills for and there were less adults around to help.  This study was done in 1989.  How is it now?
  • Adolescence has extended because life has become more complicated and teens have less adults to help them figure it out.

Church

  • The church decided to get kids fired up with youth group
  • Discipleship has become a system where individuals make individual decisions about an individual relationship.
  • The structure of the church has all of the family divided up in silo’s to allow them to make individual decisions.
  • We need to understand that the family is a system, and when you ignore one part the whole family suffers.
  • The fragmentation of the church began with youth ministry

Theology of Christian Discipleship
The Goal of Adolescent Ministry: Adoption into the body of Christ.
The adults in the church have to be willing to change what they see church as, how they interact, etc.  If they don’t, it’s assimilation, not adoption.
http://www.parenteen.com
Healthy and Consistent Attachment
Kids under 12 need to have a “maternal attachment” – 1 Corinthians 2 – it’s the style of the issue, not the gender.  gentle, safe, secure
In adolescence, they need a “paternal attachment” – The style is to encourage, comfort, and to support

  • Can I trust my dad?
  • Can I communicate with my dad?
  • Can I have an emotional attachment with my dad?

In the mid-20′s they need to have community attachment
As kids walk the tight rope from childhood to adulthood, they need a safety net.
If there are holes in the net, many people want the “youth professional” to fix it.  We tell kids we will be there for them, and then we have to leave.
A youth pastor can be one voice, but just one.  Every kid needs a lot of voices in their lives, a lot of people to be around to catch them when they fall through the net, to cheer when they stay on the tightrope.
We need to create a community for every kid.

Developing Adolescent Faith

  1. Model authentic faith for the kids – EVERY adult becomes a youth pastor to EVERY kid in the congregation
  2. Encourage provocative conversation
  3. Lead with gentleness
  4. Comfort, encourage, and be a fan (1 Thessalonians 2:7,8)
  5. Introduce them to the real Jesus
  6. Teach / lead with justice

Sticky Faith Summit – Scott Cormode – Session #2

Sticky Faith

Sticky Faith

Session #2

Dr. Scott Cormode

Leadership Begins with Listening
One of the most powerful pieces of scripture is the Lament
The lament tells us that we can speak honestly to God, especially when we are angry.
Leadership begins with listening
If you can’t listen to people’s pain and anger, you have no business listening.
In the laments, God accepts people’s anger, even though it’s misdirected.
We have to do the same.
We can’t allow ourselves to jump too quickly from lament to hope, it cuts short the healing process.
We have to understand the depth of people’s pain to bring the healing of hope.
Story has a ton of power.
Story of aging church and the cribs that were illegal.
Churches have stories about children/youth ministry, there are reasons they pay us.
We want to mess it up.
We want to change what it means to be a parent.
Mental models are the images that we hold in our head of how things are supposed to be.
Mark 8 is a seminal model of the challenges of changing the mental models people have.
People disagreed on who He was, the disciples knew He was Messiah.
He had to change their view of Messiah.
They didn’t get it until after He died.
We must be patient with these changes in people.
We have to offer and alternative story for their future.
It’s not enough to discredit an old story.
To thrive in the midst of social change, we have to:

  1. Tell new stories
  2. Listen to old stories with new ears

BASIC: all good stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end

Story of Lincoln and the Gettysburg Address

  1. start with the constitution in 1785, you had to keep slavery (slaves were 3/5 of a person)
  2. starts with the Declaration of Independence in 1776, no slavery

Starting with a different past puts you on a different trajectory to the future.
It’s not vision until it emanates back from the people.
It’s not vision until other people “come up with a new idea”
You don’t get. or deserve, credit.
Paul – Appollos – God
Plant- Water – Increase

Being a good parent improves your odds, it doesn’t guarantee anything.
Being a good leader improves your odds, it doesn’t guarantee anything.
God gives the results, He gets the credit.
We do NOT get the credit.

Mentoring answer – If the grownups won’t come to the teenagers, bring the teenagers to the grownups.

We need to cultivate experiments on the margins.        

This is the premise of rolling programs and ideas out slowly, quietly, and covertly.
Work out  the details, and add to it as we go.
Let people discover by word of mouth.

*We have to fail people’s expectations at a rate they can stand.* – Dr. Scott Cormode

Competing Commitments are often the problem.

  • Example of kids in worship / kids not disturbing worship

Organizational Momentum

A small win is a momentum changer.

Sticky Faith Summit Kara Powell

Sticky Faith

Sticky Faith
Session #1
Dr. Kara Powell


Metaphor                                               Message to kids

1. Church is building                             1. Kids are visitors
2. Bride of Christ                                   2. Future participants
3. Body of Christ                                    3. Functional members (what can
                                                                                  you do for us?)
4. Family of God                                    4. Orphans (we can separate kids
from their birth family through replacement)

5. Family of Families

Dennis Guernsey -  A New Design for Family Ministry

 

Participation in all church worship is #1 in sticky faith indicators.

Students teaching children is a huge indicator in sticky faith in teenagers.

Adults showing an interest in students is crucial.  HOW DO WE PROGRAM THAT?

I need to do a better job of staying in touch with our college freshmen with a plan, and getting some other adult to adopt them.

* Do a better job of connecting students to church/ministry at colleges.

5 to 1 ratio is important.

* How can I tie into the men’s and women’s ministries better?

* How can we get in front of the staff and the elders with our findings?

* How can we relate these issues to the adults?  How can we make their faith stickier?

Prayer post-its:  annonymous prayer requests on post it notes, leave yours on the way in, pick up another on the way out.